Self-Care Is Not Optional: How High Performers Sustain Energy and Focus

Especially when they have young kids

One of my favourite business school professors, Richard Jolly, devoted a lecture in his super-popular Managing Change course to coping with adversity. He spoke about stress management, energy levels, exercise, nutrition, and resilience. It felt… soft. Not the usual case-study-driven business school lecture. Was this a biology class? Would he ask us to bring yoga mats next time? We were tough business leaders, trained to grind through adversity. Right?

I was in my twenties, with no family responsibilities or high-pressure roles. I knew nothing about real stress. But that lecture stuck with me. It was the first time I learned that exercise lowers cortisol (high school biology hadn’t covered hormones in much detail).

In your twenties, health is effortless. I could pull an all-nighter without a problem. I wasn’t facing the relentless exhaustion of parenting. A quick game of touch rugby? No sweat. I had always been active—team sports, swimming, hiking. Exercise fitted neatly into my life.

Until kids arrived.

Suddenly, there was no time to exercise.

On maternity leave, I squeezed in mother-and-baby yoga and bargained to dash out for a swim when my husband got home from work.

But once I returned to the office, self-care vanished. Work and childcare consumed every moment. In a new country, with a new boss and a promotion to chase (as every ambitious woman does after reading Lean In), I put my well-being last.

One day, while scheduling a meeting, a VP’s assistant told me, “He can’t do 11 a.m. — that’s his HIIT class.” Wait, what? If a VP could make time for exercise during his work day, why was I feeling guilty?

I started noticing how high performers integrate exercise into their lives. Some colleagues turned their commute into a workout, cycling or running to work every day. Others embraced triathlons or marathons—competitive endurance training seemed to legitimize taking time away from work. But these were still mostly men. I couldn’t recall a senior female leader ever mentioning exercise, nutrition, or meditation. The women at the top were razor-focused on work, and the most well-known anecdotes revolved around heroics like shipping breastmilk home while traveling for business.

As I got older and advanced in my career, I began to see the toll stress takes on our bodies and minds. By their mid-forties, many high performers start breaking down. Routine blood tests reveal out-of-range markers, people mention blood pressure medication and diabetes. Other health issues creep in.

We treat our bodies like cars—fixing them when they break. But unlike cars, we can’t trade them in for a newer model. Health is a long-term game, and daily habits compound over time. It’s never “I’ll get to VP, then I’ll start running three times a week”. Every VP who still runs in their forties and fifties was active decades earlier. In fact, I asked a Senior VP how he maintains his focus and energy despite his demanding schedule. His answer? He exercises every morning, watches his nutrition, and takes a nap every afternoon. A nap? I might need to rethink my own habits.

Leaders, we need to talk to our teams about this. Self-care is not optional. We must learn — and teach our teams — how to manage stress. Share what you do to stay at your best. Careers are marathons, not sprints — they demand resilience. And resilience starts with looking after ourselves so we can support those around us.

My business school professor was right. No one reaches the top by gritting their teeth and grinding through exhaustion. The real high performers get there and stay there by prioritizing health, maximizing energy, and leveraging their time and strengths. Let’s design our lives accordingly.

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